


Through the Rain and Storms Together

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, Episode: s17e23 Heartfelt Passages, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7003744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Since when?  When did things get awkward between us, Trevor?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Rain and Storms Together

“Rafael!” Trevor walked into the condo, throwing the umbrella down in the foyer. “Rafael! Rafi!”

“Trevor?” Rafael walked out of the bedroom. He wasn’t expecting anyone and was in the bathroom so he hadn’t heard the door. If Trevor wouldn’t have shouted out his name, his fiancée may have ended the night with a bullet in his chest.

“I came as soon as I heard.” Trevor rushed over to him.

“What did you hear?”

“Mike Dodds was shot; he might not make it.”

“Do you have a police scanner or something?” Rafael asked. He was enveloped in Trevor’s bear like embrace and wasn’t going to object to it but damn, how did he always know everything that was going on.

“I have my ways but I intend to keep them to myself.”

“I was going to call you to tell you what happened but I didn’t want it to seem manipulative.”

Trevor nodded, hugging him fiercely. He didn’t need to say anything else and ruin the moment. There was still plenty going on, and apparently multiple threats on his life for some time and from many sources. Oh yeah, Trevor had information that Rafael was never going to disclose. He didn’t know what to do with it. 

Throw it in his face was an option but he wanted Rafael to just be honest. He had to understand that he wasn’t in this alone; he could trust Trevor. He had to understand that his being in danger was a dangerous thing for Trevor as well. No one was going to come into their condo, murder Rafael, and leave a witness. His pride, his bravado, was no longer just about him.

“It didn’t have anything to do with what's happening with me. I've been given a security detail. I'm sure the stealthy bastards are around here somewhere. I told the police that I didn’t want anyone piggy backing me. I was assured that there were people who could do the job and be nearly invisible. So far, so good I guess. Unless they went on a dinner break and didn’t tell me.”

“One is in the lobby.” Trevor said. “She’s about 5’6” and maybe 145 pounds but I think she could kill me with two fingers and a paper clip. She might not even need the paper clip.”

“I'm glad she looks deadly.” Rafael said.

“Me too.” Trevor nodded.

“You don’t have your bags with you. Are you not coming home?”

“I just came straight from a meeting. I checked my messages and there was one about Mike Dodds. I was immediately worried about you.”

“You could've called me.”

“Phone calls have been awkward.” Trevor said.

“Since when? When did things get awkward between us, Trevor?”

“When I found out you’ve been getting death threats at least since last July and failed to mention it on multiple occasions.”

“Why should I scare you? Why should I make you feel unsafe because some idiot wants to blow smoke? I work for the New York County DA’s office. The only thing we do more than trials is receive threats. Its par for the course.”

“It’s not when someone gets close enough to shove you down a flight of steps or to stab you to death in an elevator.”

“It’s Carisi, isn't it?” Rafael asked. “Does he have you on speed dial? Is he telling you things? I would think Liv but she's been pretty damn busy these past few days, and she didn’t know until Carisi told her about the elevator thing. Dammit.”

“Stop talking about everyone else, Rafael.” Trevor put his hands on his fiancée’s shoulders. “Stop talking about everyone else communicating with me and tell me why you can't.”

“I tell you everything.”

“Apparently not.”

“I didn’t want to scare you, cuchura. I didn’t want to scare you for nothing. I didn’t want you to worry and hover and get your life all out of whack for no reason. When you fawn over me too much I feel like I'm in prison; we didn’t need to go there. Everything was fine. It was fine until I messed it up. 

“It was stupid to give that guy my address. I still stand by the fact that he never would’ve found me here but that doesn’t make it less stupid. I endangered myself, you, and other innocent people who live here. I regret that. I was angry and as usual, when dealing with that emotion, something ridiculous happened. And I may not have lost my life, thankfully, but I lost you.”

“You haven’t lost me, Rafael.” Trevor shook his head.

“I know why you left.” Rafael took Trevor’s hand and led him over to the couch in the living room. It had been a long few days and Rafael could barely stand on his feet. He still hadn’t even eaten…was thinking of ordering some pizza and watching Netflix with the dog before Trevor came home. Not that Rafael was even sure if he would be staying. 

“For the first two nights I could hardly sleep. I had to admit to myself that information I'd given out could’ve led to me being killed. And Blanche and I would be murdered all alone. I was so mad at you for walking out on me and I let that anger be my absolution. Well, that’s bullshit. 

“This is my fault. It’s not my fault that I was being threatened but it’s my fault I didn’t make you aware of it. Especially when it escalated. I just…I don’t want you to worry about me all the time. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me.”

“I love you; I don’t mind taking care of you.”

“I can take care of myself, Trevor. That doesn’t negate that I should've talked to you. I was wrong and I know that. But some of the dynamics have to change a little bit. Neither one of us are the same as we were six years ago. You don’t have to hold on so tight. I'm not going anywhere.”

“Maybe I don’t know how to stop.” Trevor shrugged. “I lose you on constant loop in my head sometimes. I know you're here. I see you, I can touch you,” Trevor caressed his face. “But you were here before.”

“No I wasn’t.” Rafael said. “That was a big part of the problem. I'm not perfect, you know that. I can fuck up with the best of them. I have mood swings and abandonment issues and tons of shit that I've dealt with, am dealing with, and some that I still repress the hell out of. One thing I know, I love you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And whatever I need to do to keep us on the same page where that’s concerned, I'm going to do it.”

“You cannot leave me out. I have to deal with issues that are going to effect your mood or how you care for yourself. That’s what you do when you love someone. You can't just decide that I’ll deal with them wrongly so you don’t even bother to tell me. That’s unacceptable. It creates a rift in our relationship that never needs to exist.”

“Done.”

“And I think we should go to couples counseling.”

“Trevor…”

“Listen to me. It’s not punishment, Rafael. It’s an objective space for us to both discuss our feelings and worries and wants. I don’t want to get married with this on us. Calm down, I see you pressure going up…I didn’t say I didn’t want to get married. 

“I can't wait to get married. But we need to start with a fresh slate. We've known each other a long time and have had a series of ups and downs. Don’t you think we should talk about all of it?”

“With some therapist?” Rafael made a face.

“Yes.”

Rafael sighed. He didn’t look at Trevor when he did it. Part of him knew that his fiancée was right. That didn’t mean it was easy to accept. The truth was that Rafael had two therapists…one and a half if you count the fact that the second was more of personal friend who listened to his issues sometimes because she happened to be a trained trauma therapist. He wasn’t ashamed or allergic to therapy. 

But the idea of airing his relationship with Trevor in public was scary. Talking about why it ended the first time, having to discuss his shortcomings, made him nervous. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about them a million times over the years. But giving them to someone else to analyze was both different and difficult. He didn’t want to be seen as the bad guy in the relationship. He didn’t want some person he didn’t even know taking Trevor aside and telling him it was fine to love Rafael, maybe, but a bad idea to marry him.

“OK.”

“Yeah?” Trevor was a bit surprised by the response. He did a bad job of hiding it.

“Yeah, because you're probably right. It’s better to start fresh. I don’t want to continue what we had six years ago; that’s a bad idea on more levels than I can fathom. I want to be better; I want us to be better. I want you to be the most content husband on earth.”

“I would settle for being the most loved.”

“I'm sure.” Rafael nodded. “I know you're probably still mad at me and I deserve that but do you want to stay for dinner. I'm starving so I was going to order a pizza.”

“We can get Surf and Turf to deliver.” Trevor said. “Let's have some real food because I bet you haven’t been eating right these past few days.”

“No comment.” Rafael mumbled. “Can you kiss you?”

“Oh babe,” Trevor put his arms around him. “Absolutely.”

Rafael couldn’t kiss him enough. He loved him so much and missed him so much even though it had only been a few days. He didn’t want to be apart. Especially while all of this was going on. This was when he needed Trevor the most. But he still couldn’t blame him, necessarily, for walking out when he did. Love was one thing; putting yourself in possible danger because of someone else’s recklessness was different altogether.

“Stay.” He whispered against Trevor’s lips.

“Let's have dinner.” Trevor said. “We’ll talk some more.”

“OK.” Rafael nodded.

“Where is your evil princess of a puppy?”

“I should check on her.” Rafael stood up from the couch. “She was playing on the bed when you came in. She’s tiny, can't climb down on her own.”

“I'm going to get us some food.”

Trevor stood up too, reaching out for Rafael’s hand. They smiled at each other; both were tired and a little sad. A lot was happening right now and no one was sure how it would all end. The couple would get through it together, they made that promise to each other some time ago. That didn’t mean it would be easy. Both were fighters with no intention of giving up. That didn’t mean the battle wouldn’t leave them changed forever.

***


End file.
